Saturday, November 25, 2017

Out side of wall

In last nights, I've cried.
I thought this day was just an ordinary day... In the same place, the same walls, but the day is rising, it's just begging!
But good things can happen!

I received a call with good news.
Someone mail me...
I saw his message... And this simple thing, with simple words, made me melodiously happy!

I'll whisper some words with my closed eyes... I'll say my heart's feelings...

My day is just a romantic day, even any word about love has said!
Some simple things can be romantic, can touch my heart!
This lovely moments, I can carry on by eternity!

I still remember someone... But today, I can see a new moment, out side of that walls! I don't need search that scared boy, forever!
I can receive some message, from other, that is new and old...

I feel like I'm discovering a new chord in this harmony!
By today, I'm taking my way!

Friday, November 17, 2017

Meu herói

Eu montei castelos na minha vida...Castelos pra me proteger da dor e da realidade dura.
E eu descobri, que nem sempre eles era verdadeiros...
Eram castelos feitos de vento, com heróis que não existem.
Descobri que meu único refúgio era em mim mesma.
Abri meus olhos e descobri que essas coisas só existem dentro de mim. O meu herói era ninguém, se não eu mesma.
Parece lindo, mas neste momento, me vi completamente sozinha... Gostaria que todas as miragens fossem verdadeiras e não, apenas mera projeção das minhas necessidades emocionais.

Não vou mais escrever pensando em você... Não vou mais escrever pra você ler, pois a visão que tenho de você, sou eu.
A visão linda que sempre tive sobre você, era eu, o tempo todo!
Todo o tempo, você foi ingrato e injusto, mas eu me recusei a ver isso, pois eu via a mim e não o ser que você é.
Eu supri minha ilusão do herói, minha necessidade de segurança, em alguém que nunca teve nada pra dar.
Como vou viver fora do meu castelo e sem meu herói?
Ainda não sei.

Só agora entendi que você é, de fato, fraco. E eu, mais forte do que eu imaginava!
Tudo que eu achava que era amor ou conexão, estou deixando pra trás. Sei que tive momentos divertidos com você, mas isso é apenas uma memória deturpada da verdade.

Eu não estou escrevendo isso pra você! Pois a única versão de você que precisa ler isso, é a versão de você que só eu enxergo!
Não digo que talvez eu veja você um dia, pois se eu ver você, talvez seja a primeira vez que, de fato eu veja você!

Me livrar de sonhos e ilusões infantis, do herói que me defendeu que não era você, talvez seja o mais doloroso adeus, mas essa insanidade precisa acabar!
Todas as doces lembranças, nunca irei saber se eram verdade ou mera ilusão... Assumo minha solidão e recomeço do zero.
Entre mentiras e verdade, mescladas entre luz e trevas, eu digo que amava o que não conhecia. Como eu queria que tivesse sido verdade, mas você nunca foi a visão mais clara que eu já tive na vida...

Monday, September 25, 2017

So long time ago...

So long time ago was the last text message...
Sometimes I feel nostalgic!
Today, is an example of these days...
I know you, probably, never will read my words. But, I really need to say "I still remember"!
Sometimes I want to see you again, but I know the difficulties...

The time pass, things change... But the things never changes!
My heart still feel, but my mind isn't the same!
Maybe I'm cold... Or still loving you.

End the message.

Friday, April 20, 2012

I can't cure You!

I know about this pain that you feel!
I know about this deep darkness... I know how much horrible can be receive someone asking "are you ok?"...

It's horrible pain!
Nobody can cure, only yourself!

This war you fight alone!

What I can do to help you?
I feel impotent!
I know about your pain... I almost can feel inside me... It's too much to hold!

I wanna be the light in this darkness, the relieve to this heart...

Please don't cry!
Be stronger!
I'm here behind you...

What I can do?... If I can't cure you...
I'm still here, I'm still praying for you...

I'm praying always for you...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Repeat again...

This night I'm on my house, trying think about the future...

The music back to my life by another way, but I'm lost a little, yet! Cause everything changes very fast in my life... This time isn't different!

Everything comes to my life so suddenly...

I need decide to keep this way, or be afraid and hide me from myself...
Seems so easy when I speak, but decide my whole life is difficult, cause I was hurted so deeply once and I DON'T WANT SUFFER AGAIN...

I'm the one that feels it?

Decide is difficult... Decide again, is more difficult... Feel afraid isn't good! But I need to be stronger!

I want to send away from me, every darkness of my heart and every pain that I have inside my chest!

I want hold this hope with my whole love and reach the happiness one time on my life...

And...
If I forget this words, repeat again... Please!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I'm still here! I'm waiting...

The years come and goes... 3 years already goes...

Sometimes, I know that you are around me...
You don't say anything, but I feel you looking me...
I know that you feel this conection so stronger between us...
Maybe our lesson in this life, is understand that, we never will lost each other!

It's so difficult...
Sometimes I feel so lonely, but I don't want another person with me!
Maybe I'm crazy... But I choose you one time more!

(My dress in this new year party was RED... coincidences?)

The only thing that you need know is: I'm truly and only YOURS, forever!

I miss you... Yet.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

One step closer... one step back...

Day after day I ask to my self if I'm crazy...


But when my feet seems without floor, the truth appears again...

In this moment I'm broken again...
The truth is there...

Why he can't accept my love?!
I seem a crazy girl just running after some illusion!
But all the time I believe that he feel something... I'm not crazy! I see his eyes six months ago, I felt like some cold sensation inside my body when he looks me so deep in my eyes... I'm not crazy!

Maybe, his hurt inside his heart is some love, or his own love...

I was thinking about my first love, my old love... but I couldn't find!
Because he is like my older love, my first... like an eternity... like always... ever... before and after... no beginning... no end...

I'm not crazy!
I know how much I'm feeling broken, I know how much tears I cried...

In this moment I'm broken, because someone was hurted by him, but she is not me...
I can support everything, but it I can't to support!

I'm sad... upsad! yes.

But I know, I'm not crazy!
I know what I feel.

Monday, October 31, 2011

It's Over?!

When the light of stars are shining,my mind wonder to the space...
If the wind just blows, go to anyway...

I think about you!
And this sound of your remind is like some acoustic guitar playing!
The sound of your voice, the music of your words, the melodic breath... it's breathing inside me all the time!

the way is getting over...
The time is running...
it's just a little bit and I'll say goodbye!

I need complete this time, cause this life is not eternal...
The death will come soon, but not before complete this way!

Be mine one more time, before this way is over...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The end

The time pass... pass before my eyes...
And I see my life going to some place that I don't know...

I see the circles completing and journeys going to the end...
I see a eternal love going to the infinite, without hope...

The darkness of night is coming more and more, but I never know if I'll open my eyes again...

A friend going to the death, his girlfriend going to the darkness to the sadness...

Who will chose the right way?! Or everybody will keep this way without hope?!

My hope is going down...
I can't feel the flowers perfume anymore...
I feel that it's a final of way... if you broke my heart again, I don't wanna live anymore!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I can't tell you...

Today the sky is gray, but the clouds don't cry yet...
It's like my eyes that don't cry this tears like a rain!
The same cry when you goes the first time...

I can't say my word for you, cause you don't read my messages anymore!
This is killing me and I have no straight to keep my way...

Your birthday pass, and couldn't say everything what I wanted!
I wanted to say how I feel, how much I miss you...
I wanted screen "Please, believe me!" "Please, forgive me!"...
I wanted hug you so stronger...

I have no energy to keep my life...
I wake up every morning and think: "I need to keep, I have a objective on my life!"

I have so much things to say for you... I miss our conversations... I miss to read your blog and find a message for me, there... I love your way to send messages!

I have no light in my life, in this moment... I hope to survive.