You will never read... Again

Last year I almost died. I don't want to spend time, wishes, feelings... My life expectancy has been shortened, maybe I never be an elder lady.

You still are important to me, even it means nothing to you, even you hates me.

Have you courage?! Face me, don't hide your eyes, don't hide your words to me.

I'm not important to you, but the question is "why are you still important to me?!"

Why this cycles just turn back again and again?! It's better just accept... Maybe.

Maybe everything I believed was wrong.

Maybe guides of destiny are making me stronger.

Past is past, never goes back awards, I have no illusions about eternal love! When I die, my love will die with me...

Where gone my beliefs about after life?! Maybe, I was just a romantic idiot expecting you be brave to face me like a man! Again, I believe in nothing, like when I knew you 17 years ago! I thought I was discovering my spiritually, but maybe it was just an illusion.

My feeling is like a vulcan, exploding violently! I thought you feel it, but maybe it's a lie... 

I will never know, cause you will never read this or answer...