飛び始めた (歌詞: ジゼリ)

どこまで翼が行ける 知りたいかな？ 飛び始めて！ 逃げる止めて！

距離と向き合えないなら、

 隣にいてみろよ！

感情をどう扱うか?

顔を上げろよ！

飛び始めた…

どこまで翼が行ける知りたいかな？

飛び始めて！

飛び始めた…

…私が

考えよりも　

もっとさらに飛んだ

そばにいる！

あたしも忘れると思ってた

でも忘れなかった！

胸の奥、痛みが続ける

忘れられないかな？

私の目を見て

立ち向かえ！

逃げる止めて！

飛び始めた…

どこまで翼が行ける知りたいかな？

飛び始めて！

飛び始めた…

…私が

感情をどう扱うか?

隣にいてみろよ！

そばにいてみる！

逃げる止めて！

立ち向かえ！

隣にいてみろよ！

そばにいてみる！

飛び始める！

もう二度と飛ぶのをやめない！

もう止まらない！

飛び始めた…

どこまで翼が行ける知りたいかな？

飛び始めて！

飛び始めた…

…私が

A bad feeling: anxiety!

 Sometimes I think I'm getting crazy! 

I want to keep my life, but it's hard! 

I'm always worried, tired, trying hold on...

This last nights I'm sleeping to bad and it makes me feel bad!

I'm working to back to Japan this year or next and it's hard! 

Now, we have new politicians in that government and it worries me!

Some Japanese are not understanding what's going on in the international scenario.

In my first trip to Japan, there's a pandemic! And now?! Maybe a war?!

I keep my eyes open focused to my goal! But it's hard! 

I'm not fine this days, but I'm trying feel better! 

Maybe I just need a good night to sleep!...

You will never read... Again

Last year I almost died. I don't want to spend time, wishes, feelings... My life expectancy has been shortened, maybe I never be an elder lady.

You still are important to me, even it means nothing to you, even you hates me.

Have you courage?! Face me, don't hide your eyes, don't hide your words to me.

I'm not important to you, but the question is "why are you still important to me?!"

Why this cycles just turn back again and again?! It's better just accept... Maybe.

Maybe everything I believed was wrong.

Maybe guides of destiny are making me stronger.

Past is past, never goes back awards, I have no illusions about eternal love! When I die, my love will die with me...

Where gone my beliefs about after life?! Maybe, I was just a romantic idiot expecting you be brave to face me like a man! Again, I believe in nothing, like when I knew you 17 years ago! I thought I was discovering my spiritually, but maybe it was just an illusion.

My feeling is like a vulcan, exploding violently! I thought you feel it, but maybe it's a lie... 

I will never know, cause you will never read this or answer... 

I couldn't see your eyes

 That day, inside the shinkansen,I cried.

You don't looked at my eyes...

I suffered.

I just wanted to speak face to face, solve the things, feel free...

Instead, I felt tied, more than before!

Now, your health isn't good... And I'm suffering more!

My ask "that was the last time?"...

Maybe...

I'm crying inside.

Please, don't die!

Jupiter's revolution (11,9 years)

 Jupiter made one more turn around Earth!

Living the same situations again! Looking  the same mistakes, feeling this pain that I had forgotten!

I changed.

I swear

 never bother you again.

I was so quiet. Trying don't make a noise. Walking like a cat... But you listened my steps when I was not waking!

If you don't want speak with me, I'll don't bother you! That was a promise that I did some years ago!

I promised to myself, I never will send some indirect message for you again.

I changed my methods.

But you don't!

You still think you are the center of my universe! If you want blocking me, give a reason before!

Change your methods and learn to say your feelings, not just when your are angry!

Change your methods and ask before make a judgment! 

You were unfair, once again.

And yes, I'm sad about it.

You will never read... But sorry.

I'm sure, you will never read this words.
I feel guilty because I still think about you.
I know I create lots of not realistic expectations about you...
I know you changed. Because, in this years, I changed. I'm not the same girl that you met the first time...
I changed, but I still lost in an universe of things in my heart... I'm still just someone in somewhere in this universe...
In your heart, maybe, you are the same... Or completely different that you were years ago...
I still can't understand what's happening inside me when I think about you!
Sometimes, I want send a letter to you and say how much I'm sorry!
I want to say how much I feel bad about things I did and words that I said!
Unfortunately, you never will listen what I want to say or read this letter...
But I need say sorry.
Forgive me.
It hurts deep inside me!
Sorry... Maybe, someday we can understand everything...

More than 10 years ago...

Suddenly, I miss you...
I remember our last picture, you by my side, we were holding closer each other....
Suddenly I miss things that doesn't exist anymore! Your messages to me, your trust in me...
Suddenly, I have no idea where is that time! I don't remember very well how much I suffered!
I still search you in everywhere! Even I have other loves, other passions, I still search you, your voice...
I'm sure, it's just an illusion from my unconscious mind! ...or not!
I really have no idea why I feel it!
...but suddenly, I want you by my side... Again!

Prisoner

Now, I understand your words.

After long years, I understand what means be a prisoner!

We choose our way through our life, and this way make us prisoners!

We are prisoners from work, from family, from the life that we choose so many years ago.

We want to change, try so many times, but seems impossible.

Now I understand your words...

You

You ware a little hurricane that pass by my life...
You do a big mess in my feelings!
And this feelings, I really don't know what to do with...
You probably, don't deserve my attention, but I just watch you by distance!
I confess that I like you so much!
But I'm afraid to open my heart and be hurted again!

Out side of wall

In last nights, I've cried.
I thought this day was just an ordinary day... In the same place, the same walls, but the day is rising, it's just begging!
But good things can happen!

I received a call with good news.
Someone mail me...
I saw his message... And this simple thing, with simple words, made me melodiously happy!

I'll whisper some words with my closed eyes... I'll say my heart's feelings...

My day is just a romantic day, even any word about love has said!
Some simple things can be romantic, can touch my heart!
This lovely moments, I can carry on by eternity!

I still remember someone... But today, I can see a new moment, out side of that walls! I don't need search that scared boy, forever!
I can receive some message, from other, that is new and old...

I feel like I'm discovering a new chord in this harmony!
By today, I'm taking my way!

Meu herói

Eu montei castelos na minha vida...Castelos pra me proteger da dor e da realidade dura.
E eu descobri, que nem sempre eles era verdadeiros...
Eram castelos feitos de vento, com heróis que não existem.
Descobri que meu único refúgio era em mim mesma.
Abri meus olhos e descobri que essas coisas só existem dentro de mim. O meu herói era ninguém, se não eu mesma.
Parece lindo, mas neste momento, me vi completamente sozinha... Gostaria que todas as miragens fossem verdadeiras e não, apenas mera projeção das minhas necessidades emocionais.

Não vou mais escrever pensando em você... Não vou mais escrever pra você ler, pois a visão que tenho de você, sou eu.
A visão linda que sempre tive sobre você, era eu, o tempo todo!
Todo o tempo, você foi ingrato e injusto, mas eu me recusei a ver isso, pois eu via a mim e não o ser que você é.
Eu supri minha ilusão do herói, minha necessidade de segurança, em alguém que nunca teve nada pra dar.
Como vou viver fora do meu castelo e sem meu herói?
Ainda não sei.

Só agora entendi que você é, de fato, fraco. E eu, mais forte do que eu imaginava!
Tudo que eu achava que era amor ou conexão, estou deixando pra trás. Sei que tive momentos divertidos com você, mas isso é apenas uma memória deturpada da verdade.

Eu não estou escrevendo isso pra você! Pois a única versão de você que precisa ler isso, é a versão de você que só eu enxergo!
Não digo que talvez eu veja você um dia, pois se eu ver você, talvez seja a primeira vez que, de fato eu veja você!

Me livrar de sonhos e ilusões infantis, do herói que me defendeu que não era você, talvez seja o mais doloroso adeus, mas essa insanidade precisa acabar!
Todas as doces lembranças, nunca irei saber se eram verdade ou mera ilusão... Assumo minha solidão e recomeço do zero.
Entre mentiras e verdade, mescladas entre luz e trevas, eu digo que amava o que não conhecia. Como eu queria que tivesse sido verdade, mas você nunca foi a visão mais clara que eu já tive na vida...

So long time ago...

So long time ago was the last text message...
Sometimes I feel nostalgic!
Today, is an example of these days...
I know you, probably, never will read my words. But, I really need to say "I still remember"!
Sometimes I want to see you again, but I know the difficulties...

The time pass, things change... But the things never changes!
My heart still feel, but my mind isn't the same!
Maybe I'm cold... Or still loving you.

End the message.

I can't cure You!

I know about this pain that you feel!
I know about this deep darkness... I know how much horrible can be receive someone asking "are you ok?"...

It's horrible pain!
Nobody can cure, only yourself!

This war you fight alone!

What I can do to help you?
I feel impotent!
I know about your pain... I almost can feel inside me... It's too much to hold!

I wanna be the light in this darkness, the relieve to this heart...

Please don't cry!
Be stronger!
I'm here behind you...

What I can do?... If I can't cure you...
I'm still here, I'm still praying for you...

I'm praying always for you...

Repeat again...

This night I'm on my house, trying think about the future...

The music back to my life by another way, but I'm lost a little, yet! Cause everything changes very fast in my life... This time isn't different!

Everything comes to my life so suddenly...

I need decide to keep this way, or be afraid and hide me from myself...
Seems so easy when I speak, but decide my whole life is difficult, cause I was hurted so deeply once and I DON'T WANT SUFFER AGAIN...

I'm the one that feels it?

Decide is difficult... Decide again, is more difficult... Feel afraid isn't good! But I need to be stronger!

I want to send away from me, every darkness of my heart and every pain that I have inside my chest!

I want hold this hope with my whole love and reach the happiness one time on my life...

And...
If I forget this words, repeat again... Please!

I'm still here! I'm waiting...

The years come and goes... 3 years already goes...

Sometimes, I know that you are around me...
You don't say anything, but I feel you looking me...
I know that you feel this conection so stronger between us...
Maybe our lesson in this life, is understand that, we never will lost each other!

It's so difficult...
Sometimes I feel so lonely, but I don't want another person with me!
Maybe I'm crazy... But I choose you one time more!

(My dress in this new year party was RED... coincidences?)

The only thing that you need know is: I'm truly and only YOURS, forever!

I miss you... Yet.

One step closer... one step back...

Day after day I ask to my self if I'm crazy...

But when my feet seems without floor, the truth appears again...

In this moment I'm broken again...

The truth is there...

Why he can't accept my love?!

I seem a crazy girl just running after some illusion!

But all the time I believe that he feel something... I'm not crazy! I see his eyes six months ago, I felt like some cold sensation inside my body when he looks me so deep in my eyes... I'm not crazy!

Maybe, his hurt inside his heart is some love, or his own love...

I was thinking about my first love, my old love... but I couldn't find!

Because he is like my older love, my first... like an eternity... like always... ever... before and after... no beginning... no end...

I'm not crazy!

I know how much I'm feeling broken, I know how much tears I cried...

In this moment I'm broken, because someone was hurted by him, but she is not me...

I can support everything, but it I can't to support!

I'm sad... upsad! yes.

But I know, I'm not crazy!

I know what I feel.

It's Over?!

When the light of stars are shining,my mind wonder to the space...

If the wind just blows, go to anyway...

I think about you!

And this sound of your remind is like some acoustic guitar playing!

The sound of your voice, the music of your words, the melodic breath... it's breathing inside me all the time!

the way is getting over...

The time is running...

it's just a little bit and I'll say goodbye!

I need complete this time, cause this life is not eternal...

The death will come soon, but not before complete this way!

Be mine one more time, before this way is over...

The end

The time pass... pass before my eyes...
And I see my life going to some place that I don't know...

I see the circles completing and journeys going to the end...

I see a eternal love going to the infinite, without hope...

The darkness of night is coming more and more, but I never know if I'll open my eyes again...

A friend going to the death, his girlfriend going to the darkness to the sadness...

Who will chose the right way?! Or everybody will keep this way without hope?!

My hope is going down...

I can't feel the flowers perfume anymore...

I feel that it's a final of way... if you broke my heart again, I don't wanna live anymore!

I can't tell you...

Today the sky is gray, but the clouds don't cry yet...

It's like my eyes that don't cry this tears like a rain!

The same cry when you goes the first time...

I can't say my word for you, cause you don't read my messages anymore!

This is killing me and I have no straight to keep my way...

Your birthday pass, and couldn't say everything what I wanted!

I wanted to say how I feel, how much I miss you...

I wanted screen "Please, believe me!" "Please, forgive me!"...

I wanted hug you so stronger...

I have no energy to keep my life...

I wake up every morning and think: "I need to keep, I have a objective on my life!"

I have so much things to say for you... I miss our conversations... I miss to read your blog and find a message for me, there... I love your way to send messages!

I have no light in my life, in this moment... I hope to survive.

Why?

Just spending words to the wind, now I write a new text using the same thoughts...

Waiting a miracle that never come, I cry like a stronger rain in the summer!

My feeling is unbelievably deep and painful!

How I'll speak with you again? I can't accept that it's a ending... sad ending...

My spirit refuse accept the injustice! Where is the truth? That never come to the surface!

Where is the ears to hear this truth?

Why you don't believe me? Why you never told me if you believe or not?

The hardest question to answer is "WHY?"!