Monday, October 25, 2010

If he knows...

How much I tried gatch my dreams, more end more I was far from my objectives!

After I see that dreams are possible, today I can separate my dreams and my objectives!

I really think about my professional dreams realised and my personal dreams realised. One hurt other. What is more important to me? professional or personal?
Bout is not possible!

I understood that to much more important to me, is my love, because this is the unic thing that make me wakeup every morning!
He never knows about this!

I just wanna tell him that I have a deep admiration for everything that he is like person!
I really, really appreciate every inch of his personality, his thoughts, ideas and words!
He never knows how much I love his face, his body and his way to speak... he is sweet and my oly one desire, is hug him and say how much I love him, again!

These days, I lost my hope and needed recover my sanity. Because I can't see way to the problems that I have here and this situation...

I lost a lot of things before he back to his country... but afterI try, by my hard work, recover the way... not possible!
How much I swam, more and more I was far from the beach!
I'm really tired, because I lost to much time trying make everything from my way!
Now, I'll start again and feel the waves leaving me back or to the place that he is and I'll meet him again!

So difficult!
But I'll be more happy a little bit, if he knows how much I love him!...

(picture: Brazillian signal language - I love You!)

Thursday, October 21, 2010


In this time, I'm just praying!
I'm praying to the Gods, superior consciences of the universe, ancestors...
I'm burning incense every day and asking for knowledge, light to my mind!

The last weekends was very hard to me!
I was just trying undestand my emotional actions!

I understood about the suffering...
How much times I try cut conections?
...and I tried again! Stupid thing!

How much times I tried replace my feelings or suffocate my love?
...and I tried again!

detachment it's not cut conections! Detachment is accept the reality! It's detach my egoiste desires! Cut my attachment to my limitated reality!

The true reality it's not limitated!
How I can see this truth?
Detaching from my limitated egoiste desires, that make me blind to the true reality!

Maybe seems simple... but we are so tied in ourselfs and so addicts in our internal desires, that we prefer don't see...

But I want to see! And I'll make an effort to see what is tying in myself!

Sometimes I almost lost my hope... But I'll be stronger, day by day!

I hope my ancestors and the divine consciences, help me soon!

Sunday, October 3, 2010


Saudade is a word that don't exist in english...
Means "I miss you"... But it's not just this, means a feeling when I miss somebody!

Saudade is a feeling like love, passion or anger. It's when you feel a deeply sensation of loss... It's like a big and deep hole in your heart!

It's like I feel now!
I feel "saudade" from him!
I wanna cry, but I just try don't cry, because he is so far...
Why I can't forget him? Why I can't leave him?

My heart is burning with a lot of feelings!
I can't cry... I can't smile...
He is my bless and my danm... My hell and my heaven!

Some times I think: I'll date, find somebody...
It's impossible!

I try again and again, time after time, forget him... and I give up!

Now, I love just for love... Because he anger me... Maybe was my falt... Maybe I never will know the truth... Maybe he never will know how much I love him!

Wile the time pass by me, pass before my eyes, I miss him, day by day... My "saudade" is growing up until the infinite of universe!

I try don't worry, because the destiny will back to my hands again!