Unfair

After 24 years, I met my father...

In the last weekend, I discovery that he is dying...

Now, after 7 years from this met, he don't will live too much more...

He don't told me, but I discovery! I always discovery everything!

He don't want to tell me, cause he knows how much I'll be sad if I know... But I know!

He was in the hospital 45 days, but when I call, he don't attended!

When I ask after, he says that about some trip...

I don't will tell him that I know...

But I know that he is a fighter, too!

I live every separation in this life!

Maybe it's my mission, now... who will knows?!

If you believe in past lifes, maybe you can believe me...

But I made a regression once, and I see a big door in fire! I knew that someone beloved was inside there... The only thought was: "He is near, but I can't reach him!"

Maybe it's the motive for so big distances from people that I love...

But the worse feeling, is not from death!

It's when a beloved someone hates you, and you can't understand why...

I hope don't die before have peace...

The peace after death, it's just when your mission is complete!

When I look to sky,

and I see the stars,

It's like I listen a beautiful sound of your heart...

When I see again,

I remeber just your hand

holding my hand...

So softly I keep my breath

and the internal sign

is remember your eyes... again.

Oh, I want hold your hand...

Oh, I want to see you again!

Crazy, crazy heart!

3 Years ago, I don't believed in love.

...Today I'm crazy from my own religion: Love!

and god is a prince that have wind's head!

He is more beautiful than a garden of flowers...

He is more delicate than fresh air on the morning...

He shine more than Sun to my eyes...

He is the storm when the air is warm on my face!

I can move the world for him!

I can change everything on my life, just for him!

Nothing for me is so important than his smile every morning!

Nothing is so highest than his dreams in the night!

When the rain is falling down, I remember when I say goodbye...

When I listen samba, I remember my heart with his kiss...

I remember his heart beat in that night...

In this solemn moment, I offer my humble love, to you my divine Prince!

Please accept, I know that is simple, but is all that I have!

I try to stole the stars and give you, like a gift... But the Sun just says me, that a gift needs be a thing of mine...

So, my Heart I'll give you! Please don't broke, it's fragile...

Please accept my life, let me be TRULY YOURS!

No hope

In this moment, I'm here, looking to this netbook, just thinking about hope...

No hope, I think so...

I remember my past like a inverse movie...

A question make me awake, without peace on my heart!

I can leave everything for you, my prince! Just tell me what I need to do!

How I can proof subjective things? How I can proof something that I feel?

For so long time, my only wish was see you again... but when I see, I ask to myself, "when was the last time?" but the answer was so simple, I felt like, always you was with me... So weird!

I couldn't to speak a little thing, that make me so hurted, but I was happy cause I saw you again!!

But now, I have no hope, cause a little question I have and you never answer me!

Why you hate me so much??

I really deserve it? If I deserve, tell me! I wanna be a better person! I wanna change!

I wanna know the line between your culture and your personality...

I wanna understand your thoughts!

I wanna know everything about you and make my best to make you happy!

I will move the world if is necessary, but please, believe me, I really love you!

The worse thing that I have on my life, is the pain from your silence...

Today is raining a lot... yesterday was fine, but I recused go out of house! I had a lot of things to do and my two daughters was here...

This time make me think about how much times I lost opportunities...

In this quiet time, (cause I'm alone), I need to express my thoughts!

I just write and hope that someone read...

How express the feeling to be alone?

In this moment, I'm alone but not sad! A little I choose be alone!

I was not happy 4 years ago and I understood that I was alone all the time!

3 years ago, I finally understood that I'll be alone forever, I never will have someone that have the same idea...

In that same time, I discovery that someone was the same conclusion about the life... "we are all alone"!

Now, I discovery that we are alone if you are blind or deaf for too much more highest things...

Everything connected! But unfortunately, for the majority of people it's craziness!

I try to see the spiritual things, I try to see another side of this life... But sometimes, I just feel sad and to lonely...

To learn drink coffee alone was the most worse thing that I needed to learn!

To assume my loneliness was too difficult! ...and it still is!

If I have a good romance with someone?

I still pray for this!

I consider the life a horrible passage... Cause this, I try see a mean for this lonely life!

I'm not depressive, not sad... I just haven't answers to simple questions!

And I'm not speaking about the high reasons to the life, or what is the life's origin!

I'm speaking about his feelings... so, maybe his feelings are to much more complex than Universe!

Well... in this quiet time I just wait the sun go to shine him... and the moon come to my window...

...oh no! it's raining! I forgot it!

The final was so romantic... it's a shame!

Sound

Sometimes I just think about my life and try to discovery my internal sounds...

My breath, my every single heart beat... how much more deep I go, more and more I find the conections...

Conections with the world, the earth, people, creatures, elements... and him.

The 2 last nights I just dreamed with death... my channels seems opened in this time...

Maybe for you, it's scary... For me, it's just a new internal sound!

I learned to respect this sounds, don't be afraid and just listen...

Everything is sound!

And the sound of his voice on my head is the best!

I love his voice... I love the voice of his soul... seems weird, but sometimes I have the real sensation that I'm listening his voice... This happen before I awake from my sleep...

Usually he is speaking something for me... that after he really do!

I can't understand this mental conection... I can't understand this sounds... so... I respect this sounds! Never try to be rational, I just accept!

This make my life to much more easy!

This sounds make me understand about love, about sadness, about my self, about anothers beings in this infinite universe...

Every day I try to dicovery more and more internal sounds... It's internal, cause I find inside me, as like a echo or a reverberation from outside... from this eternal universe of sounds... of beings... of souls...

Every soul has a sound, and I wanna listen all!

Everything is conected! Every frequencies of energy has a sound... And my sound can be music, if someone can synchronize the frequency with mine...

Everything is energy! Every energy is a frequency... every frequency can be the wave of sound!

Everything is music!

Can you listen?

Alone

I made everything that I could!

What more I can to do?...

In this moment, just thinking about my life, just thinking how much time I waited to see his eyes again...

What more I can to do?

I can't be free from this feeling... I can't be free from this conection...

I just keep my way, without idea about how my heart will be hurted... how much time?

Why he don't give me the chance to say how I feel?

Why he don't believe me??

What more need to do?

I fight, and never give up... never surrended to pain!

Never was so stronger than now... cause I'm stand up... yet!

I really don't know how I could to hold this pain and don't cry!

I really don't know, yet!

What more I can to do?... I just wait and hope to my pray become attended!

What more I can to do?

Just pray, I think so...